You’ve had your suspicions from the first day you entered the classroom or logged on for remote learning. There’s just something off about your teacher, right? Maybe you’re just imagining things, but maybe you are not. The number of signs you have noticed about your teacher that just don’t seem quite like normal human behavior absolutely should alarm you, and it’s vital that you pay close attention to these things – your teacher may very well be from another planet in disguise.
#1 – The Cool Young Teacher
So all the kids in school know your teacher as the “cool young guy” who everybody wants to have. Single female teachers and girls in your class all act really weird and stupid around him. He uses references like Fall Guys and Twitch throughout the day, and seems to be a little too hip on the lingo of the students. If your teacher fits this description, you absolutely should worry about your safety and that of your classmates.
Think about it: if you were an alien spy trying to infiltrate and influence the youth of a planet your people one day want to occupy, wouldn’t you want to be as popular as possible? This way, people will gladly accept you as their alien overlords because, dang it, “you just get it”.
IMMEDIATE THREAT LEVEL: 15%
The kind of alien who takes on this form will do whatever it takes to make you think he’s just some cool guy out of college, and not trying to sabotage your learning. They are not likely to pose a direct threat to you, but be very careful when listening to what they say. If possible, get a transfer out of their class and report this teacher to the principal as soon as possible.
#2 – The Ones Who Know Only One Way to Teach
So you have tried and tried to understand the subjects your teacher is teaching, but they way they teach just doesn’t click with your mind. No matter how much you try to wrap your brain around the subject matter, you still find yourself falling behind horribly. Naturally, you approach your teacher about it to see if they have any other way they can teach you the subject, because you want to do well in their class. When your teacher explains that they only know one way to teach the subject, you should slowly back away while telling them you will try harder to understand it.
If you find a teacher like this, there’s a strong chance they are programmed with a specific set of instructions from their mother ship, and if they detect that you are pointing out vulnerabilities in their master plan, then they may react unfavorably to you.
IMMEDIATE THREAT LEVEL: 60%
Whatever you do, do not challenge them further when this happens. A true human teacher would do what it takes to try and explain things differently to you, but aliens of this caliber do not understand how someone would not understand their instruction. To them, it’s like inputting a direct command into a computer that is supposed to work, but it doesn’t. Just like anyone who has gotten frustrated with computers not working as expected, this alien might react erratically in this case. Report this teacher immediately.
#3 – The Unconventional Teacher
You knew this class was going to be different the minute you walked in on the first day and all of the desks were pushed to the sides of the room. A yoga mat listed as one of the required materials for the class is not necessarily always something to be suspicious about, but when the subject is Geography, you may need to be on your guard.
They will claim that movement is the key to active learning. They may have quotes from the Dalai Lama, Gandhi, Buddha, or other random motivational words hanging on the wall. It is so unconventional, but no one questions this teacher’s ways because they are usually kind of hot.
IMMEDIATE THREAT LEVEL: 75%
The goal of these types of aliens is to increase your kinetic energy in order to maximize the intensity of the brain waves you give off when learning. Their ultimate goal is to have enough of you question societal norms to one day spark discord and insurrection. They want you to be an “out of the box” thinker, and therefore we will be too busy quarreling among ourselves to put up a defense when they invade.
Under no circumstances should you “stay after class to talk about your behavior,” even if your teenage mind goes haywire at the thoughts. These aliens are extremely physically capable and pose an immense threat to those who upset them, like those who get their Starbucks orders wrong.