It’s coming. The day you dread will eventually be here where you will have to once again be around all those people. It was nice while it lasted, but soon you will once again have to deal with the ups and downs of being around others. It’s draining. It’s tiring. It’s stressful. But you can survive. Just in case you need it, here are a few tricks to remember.
Divert Their Attention with Questions
The secret to any great magician’s trick is to divert the attention of the audience so they don’t see the tomfoolery going on just out of their view. The audience follows along, having no idea they have been led like lemmings to see only what the magician wants them to see. That same principle can be used by you, too, when dealing with others as an introvert.
Ask questions about them every single chance you can. Figure out what interests them and figure out a way to get them talking all about it. When they do, act interested, even if it’s not the most interesting thing you’ve ever heard. Keep them talking. The more they talk about themselves, the more likely they are to subconsciously like you and think you’re a good person to be around.
Mirror their Body Language
Are you someone who doesn’t ever know how to carry yourself with your body language? Do you find that you often sit in a closed off pose like with your arms crossed, or feel like you’re always under attack whenever you’re in a conversation with someone who isn’t a close friend? Perhaps the reason for this is that your body language is not doing you any favors. So, why not try mimicking the other person’s body language?
Not only is it fun to see if they’ll notice (they almost never do,) it actually helps endear you to them subconsciously if you carry yourself in a similar manner. If they have a slight hunch in their posture, pretend you’re an assistant bell ringer at Notre Dame Cathedral. If they itch their ear or side of the face, you suddenly have an itch to scratch as well. If they sit with their legs up, damn it, pretend like you live there, too!
The trick is to make it natural, so change your posture a few beats after they do. They won’t think anything about it if you are slick about it, and they probably won’t realize that you’re conditioning them to think you’re just like them. Everyone loves to find people just like themselves, even if the truth is that you’d much rather be sitting in your safe space at home, far away from this gathering.
Smile and Stay Positive
Everybody knows a Debbie Downer. She’s the kind of person who just doesn’t ever have anything positive to say, and just looks miserable all the time. She’s a wet blanket and she makes everyone uncomfortable just to be there. Don’t be a Debbie Downer.
Smile gently, but do your best to keep a smile on your face as you communicate. Smiling makes people feel warm, and they are more likely to like you because of it. However, you need to also take into account what you’re saying.
Every word counts when you’re having friendly or cordial conversation. Take into consideration the tone of everything you say. Avoid negativity at all costs with everyone except your closest friends, even if it’s something that truly makes you upset, like politics or religion. If you find yourself saying negative things in a conversation, you might notice the social atmosphere has gotten colder around you and people are not as likely to want your company. Stay positive, and smile, even if someone else says something that triggers you.
Set a Pace You Can Keep
Socializing as an Introvert is exhausting, so remember to take what you can, and don’t over-exert yourself. This means that you can excuse yourself for a breath of fresh air to break up the socialization for a bit. It also means it’s “OK” to leave early from the gathering if you’re spent for the day.
It’s better to leave early or excuse yourself for a bit than to exhaust yourself. Not only do you not want to get cranky or angry or upset in front of others, you don’t want to take too much on yourself. If you do that, your disdain for social occasions will only grow over time with a snowball effect.
Just remember one unfortunate fact – it’s an extrovert’s world. People are more likely to like you based on how you make them feel about themselves, so do what you can within reason to present yourself as positively as you can. This is something to keep in mind both in normal social situations and at your workplace. It’s how a lot of people less talented than you end up getting a promotion before you. Don’t let them win. Crush them at their own game.
For more tips and tricks on how to be more charismatic in social situations, I cannot stress enough how great the YouTube channel Charisma on Command is. They have so many videos that are aimed directly at people like you and me, and the advice given is immediately applicable in your daily life. Check them out!