Have you ever been in a situation where you speak clearly to someone else, and they take it the wrong way? Has this caused tension in your relationships before? Have you found that there are just some people who you instantly get along with, while with others it seems like you are speaking two different languages?
It happens far more often than we like, and it can cause unfortunate tension between two people who otherwise are friendly toward one another. Luckily, this is not a modern problem – even back in ancient Greece, the physician Hippocrates sought to classify personality types in a way so that we can understand what our tendencies are, and how to better understand others. We have come to know his work as The Four Temperaments.
The Four Temperaments as defined by Hippocrates are Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic and Phlegmatic. The names are derived from humorism, the ancient belief that four liquids inside the human body, which are associated with four elements, influence all aspects of human behavior. While medicine has come a long way since then, there is still a lot to be learned from these classifications of human behavior.
Sanguine – Social, Talkative, Fun-Loving People
People who associate with the Sanguine personality type typically thrive in social situations, enjoy having fun, going on adventure, and trying new things. However, they are not usually as good as others for getting a job done – they are very good at starting a project, but finishing one is often a challenge for them. They are considered people-centric extraverts.
Strengths: Optimism, story-telling, popularity, creativity, quick to forgive, excellent at short-term goals, inspires others to work, works best on a team, persuasive, good at selling/with customers
Weaknesses: Naive, compulsive talking, has trouble remembering names, loud, egotistical, undisciplined, makes decisions based on feelings, disorganized, dramatic
Does this sound like you? If so, here are some suggested ways to interact with the other personality types, and some things to remember.
Sanguine
Things they want to hear: “Go ahead, finish your story first!” “Man, that’s a great idea!”
Things to avoid saying: “Your ideas are not as good as mine.” “You’re not funny.”
Choleric
Things they want to hear: “You lead. I’ll follow.” “Yes, right away.”
Things to avoid saying: “No.” “Or how about we do it a different way?”
Melancholic
Things they want to hear: “Your work is excellent. Do you mind if I share it with others?” “Can you help me figure out if an idea will work?”
Things to avoid saying: “Why don’t you ever talk?” “Let’s just wing it.”
Phlegmatic
Things they want to hear: “You are a good person.” “Thank you for helping me find a solution to make everyone happy.”
Things to avoid saying: “You compromise too much.” “You’re too soft-hearted.”
Choleric – Ambitious, Goal-Oriented, Decisive People
Cholerics can come off as bossy or unforgiving, but that doesn’t mean that they are harder to get along with, per se. They tend to want to get something done, and when they speak, they’ve typically worked out in their heads what the best way to do it is. When others challenge them on their decisions, that causes stress. Those who understand the value of Cholerics and accept them for their natural leadership qualities are usually better off than those who lack strong leadership in their daily life. Cholerics are considered task-centric extraverts.
Strengths: Leadership, Decisiveness, Confidence, Productiveness, Fast to take action, Usually makes the right decision, Efficiency, Commands with authority, Logical, Has plans and quick to make new plans when plans fall through
Weaknesses: Seems bossy, Inflexible, Dislikes emotions in others, manipulative, intolerance, impatience, aggressiveness, Selfishness, Has a hard time complimenting others
Does this sound like you? If so, here are some suggested ways to interact with the other personality types, and some things to remember.
Sanguine
Things they want to hear: “What should we do next? You pick.” “I can tell that I upset you. I am sorry.”
Things to avoid saying: “You did this wrong. Do it right this time.” “Your ideas will never work.”
Choleric
Things they want to hear: “Just let me know how I can help.” “Yes, that is a better plan.”
Things to avoid saying: “Your plan is bad, my plan is better.” “
Melancholic
Things they want to hear: “Thank you for your hard work.” “You did a great job on this.”
Things to avoid saying: “I don’t care what the research shows, we are still doing it this way.” “You need to stop thinking and just listen.”
Phlegmatic
Things they want to hear: “Thank you for helping me reach out to others.” “You are a kind person.”
Things to avoid saying: “You are weak.” “I don’t care that she is unhappy, I need it done this way.”
Melancholic – Analytical, Detail-Oriented, Deep-Thinking People
Melancholic people tend to be quiet, often lost in thought. Some of their strongest qualities are their creativity and their ability to analyze. Oftentimes they are perfectionists and put out high quality work because of it. They work well by themselves and enjoy their space. These are some of the most focused people out there, quietly doing their work the best they can while hoping they will be recognized not by the strength of their voice, but by the excellence in their craft. Melancholics are considered task-centric introverts.
Strengths: Perfectionism, Great at Listening, Analysis, Creativity, Honesty, Focus, Usually on time, Detail-oriented, Good at Researching, Thoughtfulness, Neatness, Content with staying in the background, self-sacrificing, methodical
Weaknesses: Perfectionism, Focuses on negatives, Moodiness, False Humility, Difficulty to please, Skepticalness, Vengefulness, Self-deprecating, Fearfulness, Unforgiveness, Depression
Does this sound like you? If so, here are some suggested ways to interact with the other personality types, and some things to remember.
Sanguine
Things they want to hear: You laughing at their jokes without over-thinking it. “Ok, let’s try that and see how it works!”
Things to avoid saying: “That doesn’t make sense.” “That idea won’t work because…”
Choleric
Things they want to hear: “I’m in!” “Let’s do it together!”
Things to avoid saying: “What does that person think about it?” “Who is going to lead us if we do that?”
Melancholic
Things they want to hear: “Let me help do some of the work.” “Great job!”
Things to avoid saying: “Did you even think this one through?” “You are a bad worker.”
Phlegmatic
Things they want to hear: “Thanks for thinking about me.” “You are so easy to get along with.”
Things to avoid saying: “You are lazy.” “You don’t like to work, do you?”
Phlegmatic – Relaxed, Peaceful, Easy-Going People
Phlegmatic people are the most calm and easy-going of the four temperaments. They are easily the most forgiving, and they are typically the first to go along with something someone else has started. They make excellent members of teams, but can often make too many compromises in the interest of making everybody happy. They are considered people-centric introverts.
Strengths: Kindness, Good at listening, Balanced, Calmness, Cooperative, Good under pressure, Supportiveness, Conflict mediation, Reliability, Consistency, Not easy to provoke or offend
Weaknesses: Avoiding taking responsiblity, lacking self-motivation, Too compromising, self-righteousness, Fearfulness, Aimlessness, Unenthusiastic, Messiness, Selfishness
Does this sound like you? If so, here are some suggested ways to interact with the other personality types, and some things to remember.
Sanguine
Things they want to hear: “I will back you up on that.” “Let’s do it together!”
Things to avoid saying: “Let’s see what other people have to say first.” “You’re talking too loud / you’re embarassing me.”
Choleric
Things they want to hear: “Yes, let’s do it.” “I am behind you.”
Things to avoid saying: “Don’t you think this might not make everyone happy?” “I’m just not feeling doing that today.”
Melancholic
Things they want to hear: “Thank you for doing the research.” “Look how clean this place is!”
Things to avoid saying: “You may be right, but what will that person think?” “Yes, but that might stir things up too much, so let’s not.”
Phlegmatic
Things they want to hear: “I’ll pick today, if that works for you?” “You are so thoughtful, thank you for always keeping things so down-to-earth.”
Things to avoid saying: “You don’t do anything, do you?” “Are we boring people?”
Conclusion & Additional Reading
There are no “good” or “bad” temperaments to have. Every one of the four temperaments has its strengths and weaknesses, and every one of them is necessary for society at large. Some people are great at coming up with ideas, some are great at leading, some are great at analyzing and some are great at helping glue it all together.
No matter which one best represents you, you should be aware of the other temperaments and get used to understanding the way they think. Just because you say something that is clear to you, doesn’t mean that person will take it that way.
There is a lot of research done in this topic, both in corporate settings and in life study groups. Most of this article was written after reading the study “I Said This, You Heard That“, which is highly recommended. If you want to learn how to improve your work and life relationships, the best thing to do is to first learn how everyone tends to operate. From there, you can really forge your communication in a way that will minimize the amount of frustration between you two. Not to mention that the better you get along with people, the easier your life can be.
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