It’s coming. The day you dread will eventually be here where you will have to once again be around all those people. It was nice while it lasted, but soon you will once again have to deal with the ups and downs of being around others. It’s draining. It’s tiring. It’s stressful. But you can survive. Just in case you need it, here are a few tricks to remember.
Divert Their Attention with Questions
The secret to any great magician’s trick is to divert the attention of the audience so they don’t see the tomfoolery going on just out of their view. The audience follows along, having no idea they have been led like lemmings to see only what the magician wants them to see. That same principle can be used by you, too, when dealing with others as an introvert.
Ask questions about them every single chance you can. Figure out what interests them and figure out a way to get them talking all about it. When they do, act interested, even if it’s not the most interesting thing you’ve ever heard. Keep them talking. The more they talk about themselves, the more likely they are to subconsciously like you and think you’re a good person to be around.
Mirror their Body Language
Are you someone who doesn’t ever know how to carry yourself with your body language? Do you find that you often sit in a closed off pose like with your arms crossed, or feel like you’re always under attack whenever you’re in a conversation with someone who isn’t a close friend? Perhaps the reason for this is that your body language is not doing you any favors. So, why not try mimicking the other person’s body language?
Not only is it fun to see if they’ll notice (they almost never do,) it actually helps endear you to them subconsciously if you carry yourself in a similar manner. If they have a slight hunch in their posture, pretend you’re an assistant bell ringer at Notre Dame Cathedral. If they itch their ear or side of the face, you suddenly have an itch to scratch as well. If they sit with their legs up, damn it, pretend like you live there, too!
The trick is to make it natural, so change your posture a few beats after they do. They won’t think anything about it if you are slick about it, and they probably won’t realize that you’re conditioning them to think you’re just like them. Everyone loves to find people just like themselves, even if the truth is that you’d much rather be sitting in your safe space at home, far away from this gathering.
Smile and Stay Positive
Everybody knows a Debbie Downer. She’s the kind of person who just doesn’t ever have anything positive to say, and just looks miserable all the time. She’s a wet blanket and she makes everyone uncomfortable just to be there. Don’t be a Debbie Downer.
Smile gently, but do your best to keep a smile on your face as you communicate. Smiling makes people feel warm, and they are more likely to like you because of it. However, you need to also take into account what you’re saying.
Every word counts when you’re having friendly or cordial conversation. Take into consideration the tone of everything you say. Avoid negativity at all costs with everyone except your closest friends, even if it’s something that truly makes you upset, like politics or religion. If you find yourself saying negative things in a conversation, you might notice the social atmosphere has gotten colder around you and people are not as likely to want your company. Stay positive, and smile, even if someone else says something that triggers you.
Set a Pace You Can Keep
Socializing as an Introvert is exhausting, so remember to take what you can, and don’t over-exert yourself. This means that you can excuse yourself for a breath of fresh air to break up the socialization for a bit. It also means it’s “OK” to leave early from the gathering if you’re spent for the day.
It’s better to leave early or excuse yourself for a bit than to exhaust yourself. Not only do you not want to get cranky or angry or upset in front of others, you don’t want to take too much on yourself. If you do that, your disdain for social occasions will only grow over time with a snowball effect.
Just remember one unfortunate fact – it’s an extrovert’s world. People are more likely to like you based on how you make them feel about themselves, so do what you can within reason to present yourself as positively as you can. This is something to keep in mind both in normal social situations and at your workplace. It’s how a lot of people less talented than you end up getting a promotion before you. Don’t let them win. Crush them at their own game.
For more tips and tricks on how to be more charismatic in social situations, I cannot stress enough how great the YouTube channel Charisma on Command is. They have so many videos that are aimed directly at people like you and me, and the advice given is immediately applicable in your daily life. Check them out!
Oooh. Love this. We are all introverts and have the same draining experiences in those very draining social situations. It’s always good to step back inside my home! Love you. Mom. PS I’ll look into that YouTube channel
On Tue, May 12, 2020 at 5:45 PM, Thought Backlog wrote:
> Andrew Michael Miller posted: ” Aww look at the poor introverted puppy. > It’s coming. The day you dread will eventually be here where you will have > to once again be around all those people. It was nice while it lasted, but > soon you will once again have to deal with the ups and downs ” >
To be fair it was you who first told me how to engage in good conversation by getting the other person to talk about themself!
Good post! Andrew, would you say you are an introvert? If so, that’s interesting to me. I never saw you that way at all. I love talking to people one on one more than anything. Big groups of people just drain me. It’s hard to make small talk, and even can feel rather uncomfortable for me at times. I usually gravitate toward people I feel at ease with, often times the other quiet ones at the gathering. But we introverts are also grateful for the extroverts, the ones who seem to love being in the spotlight… because they tend to talk a lot and we introverts can do what we feel we do best — listen. 🙂
I’d consider myself a forced mixture. I was an introvert much of my young life such as in elementary school, but I learned I needed to adapt to do a lot of the things I wanted to do. I had some real tough moments in my youth where I realized if I act like an extravert I can fake it long enough to trick people. Eventually I internalized it somewhere along the way and I find myself both needing socialization and also getting burnt out on it quickly, depending on the situation. I do recommend the Charisma on Command channel if you ever want some solid tips for getting around the introversion nature we all have.